Late Night

Oh I hope that you somebody,
someone I could count
To pull me to my feet again
when I was in doubt
Oh now Mama, do you hear me?
I'm calling out your name
Oh now Mama, do you hear me?
I'm calling out your name,
I'm calling out your name

I'm the last cowboy in this town
Empty veins and my plastic broken crown
They said I swam the sea that ran around
They said I once was lost but now I'm truly found
And I know the place another way,
I feel, I feel no shame
Oh now Mama, do you hear my fear?
It's coming after me
I'm calling out your name,
I'm calling out your name

Stay with me, stay with me

Did you throw your heart away?
Oh I know just what I say
Did your phone cut in the way?
Being still downtown I say
And I know you ran away,
oh I know but I'm feeling okay
And I found love and fear won't go,
and I found love and feeling won't go
See you walk away, feeling okay now,
happy now, happy now?

Stay with me, stay with me, stay with me, stay with me

Foals

The Aztec Goddess Mictlantecuhtli

Consider And Hear Me O God My Lord Enlighten My Eyes

Stalemate

I've really been stressing out about not writing any blog posts. I can’t believe it has been almost two months. If you look at my archives you’ll see that I haven’t written much at all since 2013 started. I mentioned the fact that I had attempted suicide again in a post titled, “Lost” on 3/25 and I really can’t say that I've been on any sort of path of recovery. I've been more or less just getting through the days…one leading into another in an endless progression of endlessness. I won’t say that I’m depressed because I don’t think I am. I just have no clear idea of where I’m going or what I’m doing and not much motivation to even find out. I don’t want to leave my apartment.  I don’t want to have to see anybody and I don’t want them to see me. 

  

There have been some strange occurrences of synchronicity that got so frequent and intense that they really had me worried for awhile. They still do as a matter of fact but not as bad. The majority of them honestly seemed to have been like they were sent by God. Signs to show me the way I need to go in order to heal myself and to show me the path I need to be on. Or at least the direction in which the path lay. Then there were the strange synchronistic events that seemed to reinforce my feelings of being watched, of being under some sort of investigation. There were a few days the feelings and events got so strong I honestly felt manipulated.

I don’t know what else to write until I can find some sort of direction. I somehow feel like I have no moves I can make until whoever or whatever is manipulating me makes a move. Without them making a move I don’t know what my next move should be.  If my life were a chess game I guess I would be in a stalemate situation. In reading about a stalemate in chess, the game is usually considered a draw.  There would be the possibility of a swindle but I could barely understand the strategy involved for the game of chess, much less using that approach in my life.

I hope if you are reading this that you have a clear idea of who you are and where you’re headed. If not, may you be sheltered by the love of God in your journey.

Enjoy Life!