The Conscious Cataclysm: January 2014

1/25/14

Thought Always Has Two Sides For Me

1/21/14

Today is the first day of my new treatment to rid me of the Hepatitis C virus that has plagued me for so long. My doctor's appointment is at 9:30, They want me to take my first doses there in the office with them for some reason. I have been through one treatment course already which failed, but I feel confident that this time it will be successful. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself... I guess I should have said I have high hopes. We'll be using the drug Ribavirin along with the latest drugs Sovoldi and Olysio.

I'm a little scared because I don't know how the new drugs are going to affect me. I've been told the side-effects this time will be less severe. We'll see...I had wanted to go do a bit of shopping after I started, but I'm afraid that I will get out and shit on myself while on the bus or something. Anyway, if you're reading this, say some prayers for me, light a candle, send me some light and love for courage and strength...

Enjoy life!

1/20/14

Celestite

My Winding Road

I've decided that I'm not even going to try and catch you guys up on what has gone on the past few months since my last post. I started one yesterday morning but kind of dropped things when my new "friend" woke up. I called him my new boyfriend yesterday, but I'm not sure if I should have now or not. Not that he did anything to change my mind yesterday mind you....on the contrary, we had a really nice day even though we are going through a tough financial spot right now...It's just I haven't had a very good track record and it is really early in our friendship to be thinking that way.

The main thing I wanted to talk to you about was the fact that my insurance approved me for off label use of the newest drugs to fight Hepatitis C! They have an incredibly high success rate, the side effects are supposed to be less severe than the year long treatment I went through before, and the length of treatment is only six months...great news, huh? I've already been gearing up with my chakra and yoga theory studies to use to keep myself focused and my energy levels up. I really never stop studying the subject...I've just been kind of distracted with my studies. I've just been letting myself be guided and led by spiritual universal forces...studying mainly Hinduism and a bit of Kabbalah. I have really got to get my butt up from in front of the computer and put some of the yoga theory to use physically. I have a kriyas workout schedule ready to use and I found an incredible resource that explains the five prana vayus and gives poses that are designed to help strengthen and awaken each one.

One last thing before I let you go. I had a kind of "ahh haa" moment last night. I had been studying the chakras and had been thinking and reading about them when I had to start going even deeper with the Bindu Visarga, Brahma Randhra, and Sahasrara. I made a comment that just when I thought I had an understanding of the chakras and this subject, I realized that there was more I needed to know. I always find myself having to do more research and studying. I ran across a video (and it's funny how these things just seem to fall in my lap when I need them) where a yoga instructor was talking to his class about the term, "Neti, Neti" or "Not This, Not This." He was asking the class what they thought it meant. One of the students asked him if it meant like when you think you have an idea of the concept of God and think you do but suddenly the understanding is gone and you realize that you actually don't. The instructor said, "Yes, yes....it is very similar to the fact that the very act of examining something affects what you are examining..." A little light went off in my mind....I get to a certain point in my chakra/yoga studies and suddenly it is, "neti, neti...," not this, not this..."

Enjoy life!

1/19/14

Incorporate The Shadow Side

Here We Go Again...

We are just coming out of the influence of the full moon in Cancer and entering the waning gibbous phase currently in Virgo and I'm sitting here this morning (6 am...I swear...) listening to a Sheryl Crow album from 1996. I can't honestly tell you what has put me in a mood to write a journal post and tell you what's been going on after so long, but hell, here goes...

Well, sorry guys....my new boyfriend (I'll tell ya about him later) just woke up....I'll catch you up later! I'll post a quick picture...

Enjoy life!

Birches

When I see birches bend to left and right
Across the lines of straighter darker trees,
I like to think some boy's been swinging them.
But swinging doesn't bend them down to stay.
Ice-storms do that. Often you must have seen them
Loaded with ice a sunny winter morning
After a rain. They click upon themselves
As the breeze rises, and turn many-coloured
As the stir cracks and crazes their enamel.
Soon the sun's warmth makes them shed crystal shells
Shattering and avalanching on the snow-crust
Such heaps of broken glass to sweep away
You'd think the inner dome of heaven had fallen.
They are dragged to the withered bracken by the load,
And they seem not to break; though once they are bowed
So low for long, they never right themselves:
You may see their trunks arching in the woods
Years afterwards, trailing their leaves on the ground,
Like girls on hands and knees that throw their hair
Before them over their heads to dry in the sun.
But I was going to say when Truth broke in
With all her matter-of-fact about the ice-storm,
I should prefer to have some boy bend them
As he went out and in to fetch the cows
Some boy too far from town to learn baseball,
Whose only play was what he found himself,
Summer or winter, and could play alone.
One by one he subdued his father's trees
By riding them down over and over again
Until he took the stiffness out of them,
And not one but hung limp, not one was left
For him to conquer. He learned all there was
To learn about not launching out too soon
And so not carrying the tree away
Clear to the ground. He always kept his poise
To the top branches, climbing carefully
With the same pains you use to fill a cup
Up to the brim, and even above the brim.
Then he flung outward, feet first, with a swish,
Kicking his way down through the air to the ground.
So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
And so I dream of going back to be.
It's when I'm weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig's having lashed across it open.
I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate wilfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better.
I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree~
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.

Robert Frost

From Emerson"s "Self-Reliance"

“There is a time in every man’s education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better or worse as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried.”

A Prayer Of The Optina Elders

Prayer of the Optina Elders

O Lord, grant unto me that with Thy peace I may greet all that this day is to bring.
Grant unto me grace to surrender myself completely to Thy holy will.
In every hour of this day instruct and guide me in all things.
Whatever tidings I may receive during this day, do Thou teach me to accept tranquilly in the firm belief that Thy holy will governs all.
Govern Thou my thoughts and feelings in all I do and say. When unforseen things occur, let me not forget that all is sent by Thee.
Teach me to behave sincerely and reasonably toward everyone, that I may bring confusion and sorrow to no one. Bestow on me, O Lord, strength to endure the fatigue of the day and to bear my part in its events.
Guide Thou my will and teach me to pray, to believe, to hope, to suffer, to forgive, and to love.

The Dalai Lama's Approach To Achieving Happiness

"Happiness begins with distinguishing between spirituality and religion. To have a spiritual dimension in your life, you should appreciate your potential as a human being and recognize the importance of inner transformation through a process of mental development.

The art of happiness has many components. It begins with developing an understanding of what are the truest sources of happiness and setting your priorities in life based on the cultivation of those sources. "It involves an inner discipline, a gradual process of rooting out destructive mental states and replacing them with positive, constructive states of mind, such as kindness, tolerance, and forgiveness."

Walt Whitman

"Hours continuing long,
sore and heavy-hearted,
Hours of the duck, when I withdrew to a lonesome and unfrequented spot, seating myself,
leaning my face in my hands; Hours sleepless,
deep in the night, when I go forth,
speeding swiftly the country roads,
or through the city streets, or pacing miles and miles,
stifiling plaintive cries; Hours discouraged,
distracted -- for the one I cannot content myself without,
soon I saw him content himself without me;
Hours when I am forgotten,
(O weeks and months are passing,
but I believe I am never to forget!)
Sullen and suffering hours!
(I am ashamed -- but it is useless -- I am what I am;)
Hours of my torment --
I wonder if other men ever have the like,
out of the like feelings?
Is there even one other like me -- distracted -- his friend,
his lover, lost to him? Is he too as I am now?
Does he still rise in the morning, dejected,
thinking who is lost to him? and at night,
awaking, thinking who is lost?"

Uncovering The True Face

"Withdraw into yourself and look. And if you do not find yourself beautiful yet, act as does the creator of a statue that is to be made beautiful: he cuts away here, he smoothes there, he makes this line lighter, this other purer, until a lovely face has grown upon his work. So do you also: cut away all that is excessive, straighten all that is crooked, bring light to all that is overcast, labor to make all one glow of beauty and never cease chiseling your statue, until there shall shine out on you from it the godlike splendor of virtue, until you shall see the perfect goodness surely established in the stainless shrine."

Piontius "The Enneads"

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dylan Thomas

New Improved Stress Management

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time because then, you won't have a leg to stand on.
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Some mistakes are too fun to only make once.
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have the longer you live.
Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well, just get up and dance. (Unless you're Elaine from Seinfeld)
You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

The Conscious Cataclysm

1/25/14

Azurite

Thought Always Has Two Sides For Me

1/21/14

Day One

1/20/14

Celestite

My Winding Road

1/19/14

Incorporate The Shadow Side

Here We Go Again...

My World

Blog Archive

Hetrick-Martin Institute

TREVOR PROJECT CRISIS HELP LINE

Save A Life!

His Story Lives On

Erase Hate!

The Smile Train

Help Save The Honeybees!

From My World To Theirs

Birches

From Emerson"s "Self-Reliance"

A Prayer Of The Optina Elders

A Method Of Self-Reflection

A Rule Of Thumb

The Dalai Lama's Approach To Achieving Happiness

Walt Whitman

Uncovering The True Face

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Possibilities

New Improved Stress Management

Walt Whitman

I"m Glad You Were Here! Enjoy Life!

Parting Thoughts