2/25/10

The Upcoming Moon

This past new moon I made it a point to cleanse all my crystals and charge them with the thought of helping me to transform myself, to change and feel better about things. With the upcoming full moon it seems that goal is starting to come to fruition. I've only been back in school a week and I can tell how much it is changing me. I'm not only feeling better, but I am starting to think in ways that I did back when I was going to the community college here in Asheville. It has however raised the issue of going to Church. I really miss it. It really is such a conflict for me. I wish I could somehow finally resolve it. Oh well, like one of my favorite songs, maybe tomorrow. Right now I've got my hands full with school. Enjoy Life!

2/22/10

"At every moment you choose yourself. But do you choose your self? Body and Soul contain a thousand possibilities out of which you can build many I's. But in only one of them is there a congruence of the elector and the elected. Only one - which you will never find until you have excluded all those superficial and fleeting possibilities of being and doing with which you toy, out of curiosity or wonder or greed, and which hinder you from casting anchor in the experience of the mystery of life, and the consciousness of the talent entrusted to you which is your I."
Hammarskjold

"It is as hard to see oneself as to look backwards without turning around." Thoreau

2/21/10

An Embodiment of Shiva

Ardhnarishwara

Taking the Plunge

I took the plunge and entered the Art Institute of Pittsburg's Web Design and Interactive Media curriculum. If I don't die first, I'll get my Bachelor's Degree in 1014. I really think I can do it this time. The last time I tried to go back to school I was still homeless, living on the streets and in a shelter. I expect it's going to get tough but hey, anything worth having is worth a little struggle.

"Yesterday's thoughts have created your present. Today's thoughts are creating your future."
James Newman

2/18/10

I have no clue as to how my story will end. But that's all right. When you set out on a journey and night covers the road, that's when you discover the stars.

Nancy Willard

2/13/10

Some Affirmations

I'm the captain of my own ship and I know the way.

It's my time to shine and I will step into the sun.

I have free choice in all I am, do, and have.

I will radiate warmth and enjoyment. Life is fun.

You are part of the plan, we need your spark.

I will joyfully transform my own life and destiny.

2/7/10

Chinese Goddess of Prosperity

2/5/10

Tank 2.0

Okay, so I got a new bird to replace Tank. Since Tank and Lula were names from a favorite series of books I've read, I didn't want to change the name of the male that had died. I decided to name the new male, Tank 2.0. And he sure is a bright, cocky, improvement over the old Tank and it was no time before Lula was sitting on several eggs. On New Year's Eve they hatched two babies...New year babies, how 'bout that?

11/11/09

So Tired...

I don't know if I've ever been this tired before. Ever. This past year has been so difficult. I've been through so many changes. I sit here trying to think of the words to describe it all to you so you could really understand and I just can't think of any. Is this what a mid-life crisis feels like? To look back at my life and realize it's all been meaningless? I look ahead and wonder if trying to make any drastic changes is really worth the effort. Would it make any difference in the grand scheme of my pathetic life? I wonder how much time I actually have left to do anything about anything. That is if I can even figure out what the hell that "anything" really is anyhow. Should I just give up, give in, and ride the rest of it out? What could I ever possibly do that would make all this make sense? What could possibly make up for all the mistakes I've made? How could I ever make up so much lost ground?

The post you have just read was first written on 8/17/08 ! It still exemplifies how I feel right now. It's 11/10/09 and a lot of shit has happened. I could tell ya a few things. Oh, and Tank died...and I never even introduced him to any of you...well shit...he's gone anyway, and it's left a terrible hole in my heart...not to mention Lula's. Poor Lula... These are/were Zebra Tailed Finches I got recently. I'm gonna get back on this blogging stuff. Ya'll take care...Enjoy Life...Ya better!

I Love You

Empty your venom sac into my brain
Hot heat lies and dellusion
They spread into my life threatening obsession and doubt
My expectations flung to the dead end dirt on the side of the road
My pitiful life drunk with self-judgement and abandoned like a beaten dog
I'm chained in the basement of your demonic heart
Your poison feels me with dreams of black clouds and lightning
While I listen for your footsteps on the stairs

8/16/09

Wishing Well

The Airborne Toxic Event

6/28/09

Tao Te Ching Verse XI

Thirty spokes connect to the wheel's hub;
yet, it is the centre hole that makes it useful.

Clay is shaped into a vessel;
yet, it is the emptiness within that makes it useful.

Doors and windows are cut for a room;
yet it is the space where there is nothing that makes it useful.

Therefore, though advantage comes from what is;
usefulness comes from what is not.

The Wisdom of Lao-Tzu
As Translated by Tolbert McCarroll
Enjoy Life...

Gunnera

Isan

6/27/09

Gramarye

Remy Zero

6/23/09

On The Corner Of Death And Hell

I sit roasting on my own seat of judgment
condemning myself by the day
Hour by hour,
minute by minute...
This hot shitty stink hole
I live in I refer to as life...
trying my best to get by.

what is happy?
and unhappy?
and why?
does it matter anyhow?

Sometimes I can't wait
for this body to rot
just seep into the ground
a meadow somewhere
a beautiful meadow

Hell is here on this corner I've found
The shackles bind me
they blind me
they're mine

6/2/09

Tao Te Ching Verse I

The Tao that can be spoken of is not the eternal Tao.
The name that can be named is not the eternal name.
The nameless is the beginning of heaven and earth.
The name is the mother of the ten thousand things.
Send your desires away and you will see the mystery.
Be filled with desire and you will see only the manifestation.
As these two come forth they differ in name.
Yet at their source they are the same.
This source is called a mystery.
Darkness within darkness, the gateway to all mystery.

The Wisdom of Lao Tzu
As Translated by Tolbert McCarroll

The reason I started doing these posts relating to the Tao Te Ching is because this verse came to mind after a recent conversation with a new acquaintance. We have different theological views. He is Christian and can't seem to tell me about his life without turning the conversation into a discourse on Jesus. I don't really have a problem with that, even though I no longer consider myself to be a Christian. I believe in Christ's teachings and feel they are certainly a way to "heaven;" however, I can't bring myself to believe he is the only way. When he said the only way to heaven was through him, I think he was meaning through living like him, not to the exclusion of other religions that teach the same ideals. I can't bring myself to believe in the Christian idea of hell either, but that's another story.

I had tried to explain to this guy why I preferred to say and hear the name Christ rather than Jesus. I'm sorry to have to say this, but everytime I hear the name Jesus, especially when said with that distinctive southern enunciation, I cringe. One reason has to do with events that occured during the time I was homeless. The other reason is, I feel Christians have taken advantage of the name "Jesus" to get their own way, and they really don't deserve to use the name. I won't even go into how I feel about the way Christians have used the words, "The Bible."

Getting back to the first verse of the Tao Te Ching, I'm still working on the part about desire. This part, to me, is like having a thought, "on the tip of your tongue." Since the ancient Chinese language is less rigid than English; and translating is almost impossible to do without loosing some part of the meaning, it's helpful to read several translations. I found a translation by Ron Hogan that I found slightly different, a little funny, but helpful nonetheless. I thought I'd share the part of verse 1 that speaks of desire with you.

Stop wanting stuff;
it keeps you from seeing what's real.
When you want stuff,
all you see are things.
Those two sentences
mean the same thing.
Figure them out,
and you've got it made.

There is also a translation by Ursula K. Leguin. Her translation puts it this way:

The unwanting soul
Sees what's hidden,
The ever-wanting soul
Sees only what it wants.

Enjoy Life...

5/17/09

The Forgotten Philosopher

"... I need not instruct you of my belief. Time gives all and takes all away; everything changes but nothing perishes. One only is immutable, eternal and ever endures, one and the same with itself. With this philosophy my spirit grows, my mind expands. Whereof, however obscure the night may be, I await the daybreak, and they who dwell in day look for night ... Rejoice therefore, and keep whole, if you can, and return love for love."

Giordana Bruno...16th Century Free Thought Martyr

4/26/09

Such A Long Time

I know. I know. If you drop in on my blog you probably think I no longer write anything. Well, in all honesty, a lot of what I post isn't original writing. It's my blog and I'll blog it like I want... how silly. Anyway, oh look a squirrel!

I just had to post the lyrics from this song. You're probably already familiar with it. It's just great. You know, it's really funny how my creator works in my life. I had been joking with a friend about making myself one of those advertising sandwich boards.

One side was going to display:

I'm Crazy As Hell
And Proud Of It
Oh Yeah, I'm Gay
And Proud Of That Too
Dammit!

Then on the back side it would display:

Fuck Yuns!
Fuck Yuns All!
Dammit!

Then I heard this song on the radio...

Break Your Heart

Oh people downcast in despair
See the disillusion everywhere
Hoping their bad luck will change
Gets a little harder everyday

People struggle
People fight for the simple pleasures in their life
The trouble comes from everywhere
It's a little more than you can bear

I know that it will hurt
I know that it will break your heart
The way things are
And the way they've been
And the way they've always been

People shallow
Self-absorbed
See the push and shove for their rewards
With nothing nice on their minds
You can read about it in their eyes

People ruthless
People cruel
The damage that some people do
Full of hatred
Full of pride
It's enough to make you lose your mind

I know that it will hurt
I know that it will break your heart
The way things are
And the way they've been

Yeah I know that it will hurt
I know that it will break your heart
The way things are
And the way they've been

Don't spread the discontent
Don't spread the lies
Don't make the same mistakes with your own life
You know [ a little love survives ]

Yeah I know that it will hurt
I know that it will break your heart
The way things are
And the way they've been

Don't spread the discontent
Don't spread the lies
Don't make the same mistakes with your own life
And don't disrespect yourself
Don't lose your pride
And don't think everybody's going to choose your side
Oh no...
Oh no...
Oh no...
Oh no...
No no...

Natalie Merchant

Enjoy Life...