My Neuroses Repertoire

This evening I accidentally fell asleep while attempting to read, Alternatives to Sex by Stephen McCauley. There's a joke in there somewhere. Anyway, when I woke up I felt like, "Oh no, I didn't mean to do that. Something has happened on the internet and I missed it. I just know it. Someone has posted something and I haven't read it." I suddenly realized I had added some new neuroses to my already impressive repertoire.

I believe these new internet obsessions and compulsions started when I began to blog. The creation of this blog had an instant effect on my way of thinking, and it still does, but to a lesser degree. Everything I experienced throughout the day became a possible topic. I began to think in fragmented lines of text and dialogue. I wanted to post and share every photo, piece of art, poem, or quote I found. I became keenly aware of 12AM. Around 9PM I would begin to feel a sense of urgency. Had I published a post that day? How many posts have I written? For the longest time my sense of self-worth was affected by my blog statistics. If there was a decline in the number of visits I became worried and questioned myself. I've lightened up a lot though since I started.

My introduction to Google Reader has had its effect as well. I think this is where my feelings of missing something come. It's also caused me to have a fear of high numbers. If I have more than 40 items in any one particular folder I get a little antsy. I must not get behind, I must stay on top of all the latest happenings in all the areas I'm interested in. Being seemingly interested in everything makes it rather difficult.

I have found that I have another problem concerning this blog. I think it's a major reason why I haven't published many posts lately. I'm afraid I've been spending so much time reading other people's blogs on how to blog and how to write better that I haven't been writing myself. I'm going to see if I can't rectify this quandary. Enjoy life...