Lost

First of all I can't explain why I posted the picture of Matsya on January 4th. The story of Matsya really doesn't relate to what I was going through at the time. I can only say that I must have run across the picture and was attracted by the vibrant colors. I also can't really explain why my post on November 17th was so positive and hopeful. I do remember that I did actually feel those things at the time, however my feelings since then have changed drastically.

For those of you who don't know, I had several months of upheaval in my life starting I guess around the first of September. I can't really go into details for fear of getting in trouble. Things got really crazy. My emotions were in turmoil and on November 26th I got to the point where I just couldn't handle everything anymore and I attempted suicide. I guess I should actually say that I did commit suicide because my heart did stop for several minutes. The paramedics were finally able to resuscitate me and I was in a coma for several days. Just as they were going to run brain scans on me to see if they should shut off life support I woke up.

Writing this is proving to be very painful and difficult. These days I find myself at times wishing they hadn't revived me. I'm sorry but I don't think I can finish this post right now. I had wanted to give blogging a shot today to see if it would give me some sort of lift but it hasn't. I can't seem to find comfort in anything. I'm not going to give up on my blog because I've been working on it for a long time. Today just doesn't seem to be the day to get started back. Take care everyone and check back to see what becomes of me...

Enjoy Life...