Martin Ksinan

Seeing Through Fear

Set Your Course

Use what talents you possess;

the woods would be very silent

if no birds sang except

those that sang best.

Henry Van Dyke

A ship in harbor is

safe-- but that is not
what ships are for.

John A. Shedd



A handful of pine-seed will cover mountains with the green
majesty of a forest. I too will set my face to the wind
and throw my handful of seed on high.

Fiona MacLeod


There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat
except from within, no really insurmountable barrier
save our own inherent weakness of purpose.

Elbert Hubbard


Life shrinks or
exands in proportion
to one's courage.

Anaïs Nin

The Path

As you can tell by most of my previous posts, I have been in a somewhat depressed and troubled state for quite awhile now. Actually, I've been struggling with some pretty heavy issues. It's no wonder I have very few followers or comments. (Which I would love to receive) In recent days I have really started to examine that and to try and get myself into a more positive state of mind. I have started a journey on a new path. I hope I can maintain my new course, remain positive, and bring some color and light into my blog....enjoy life!  

Don't Carry It All

Here we come to a turning of the season

Witness to the arc towards the sun

A neighbor’s blessed burden within reason

Becomes a burden borne of all and one

And nobody, nobody knows

Let the yoke fall from our shoulders

Don’t carry it all, don’t carry it all

We are all our hands and holders

Beneath this bold and brilliant sun

And this I swear to all

A monument to build beneath the arbors

Upon a plinth that towers t’wards the trees

Let every vessel pitching hard to starboard

Lay its head on summer’s freckled knees

And nobody, nobody knows

Let the yoke fall from our shoulders

Don’t carry it all, don’t carry it all

We are all our hands and holders

Beneath this bold and brilliant sun

And this I swear to all

And this I swear to all

There a wreath of trillium and ivy

Laid upon the body of a boy

Lazy will the loam come from its hiding

And return this quiet searcher to the soil

So raise a glass to turnings of the season

And watch it as it arcs towards the sun

And you must bear your neighbor’s burden within reason

And your labors will be borne when all is done

And nobody, nobody knows

Let the yoke fall from our shoulders

Don’t carry it all, don’t carry it all

We are all our hands and holders

Beneath this bold and brilliant sun

And this I swear to all

And this I swear to all

And this I swear to all

And this I swear to all

To all

To all

To all

 

The Decemberists

A Little Encouragement

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.

The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours."

Ayn Rand

Before The Altar

Before the Altar, bowed, he stands

With empty hands;

Upon it perfumed offerings burn

Wreathing with smoke the sacrificial urn.

Not one of all these has he given,

No flame of his has leapt to Heaven

Firesouled, vermilion-hearted,

Forked, and darted,

Consuming what a few spare pence

Have cheaply bought, to fling from hence

In idly-asked petition.

His sole condition

Love and poverty.

And while the moon

Swings slow across the sky,

Athwart a waving pine tree,

And soon

Tips all the needles there

With silver sparkles, bitterly

He gazes, while his soul

Grows hard with thinking of the poorness of his dole.

"Shining and distant Goddess, hear my prayer

Where you swim in the high air!

With charity look down on me,

Under this tree,

Tending the gifts I have not brought,

The rare and goodly things

I have not sought.

Instead, take from me all my life!

"Upon the wings

Of shimmering moonbeams

I pack my poet's dreams

For you.

My wearying strife,

My courage, my loss,

Into the night I toss

For you.

Golden Divinity,

Deign to look down on me

Who so unworthily

Offers to you:

All life has known,

Seeds withered unsown,

Hopes turning quick to fears,

Laughter which dies in tears.

The shredded remnant of a man

Is all the span

And compass of my offering to you.

"Empty and silent, I

Kneel before your pure, calm majesty.

On this stone, in this urn

I pour my heart and watch it burn,

Myself the sacrifice; but be

Still unmoved: Divinity."

From the altar, bathed in moonlight,

The smoke rose straight in the quiet night.

Amy Lowell

From Adonais

The One remains, the many change and pass;

Heaven's light forever shines, Earth's shadows fly;

Life, like a dome of many-coloured glass,

Stains the white radiance of Eternity,

Until Death tramples it to fragments.

Percy Bysshe Shelley

Costas Ellos

As Once the Winged Energy of Delight

As once the winged energy of delight

carried you over childhood's dark abysses,

now beyond your own life build the great

arch of unimagined bridges.

Wonders happen if we can succeed

in passing through the harshest danger;

but only in a bright and purely granted

achievement can we realize the wonder.

To work with Things in the indescribable

relationship is not too hard for us;

the pattern grows more intricate and subtle,

and being swept along is not enough.

Take your practiced powers and stretch them out

until they span the chasm between two

contradictions...For the god

wants to know himself in you.

Rainer Maria Rilke

Immortality

Vacate is the word...vengeance has no place so near to her

Cannot find a comfort in this world

Artificial tears...vessel stabbed...next up, volunteers

Vulnerable, wisdom can't adhere...

A truant finds home...and a will to hold on...

There's a trapdoor in the sun...it's immortality...

As privileged as a whore...victims in demand for public show

Swept out through the cracks beneath the door

Holier than thou, how?

Surrendered...executed anyhow

Scrawls resolved, cigar box on the floor...

A truant finds home...and a will to hold on, to...

There's a trapdoor in the sun...

Its immortality...

I cannot stop the thought...of running out the door...

Coming up a which way sign...and all good truants must decide...

Oh, stripped and sold, mom...and an auctioned forearm...

And whiskers in the sink...

A truants finds home...and a will to hold on to..

Some die just to live...

Ohh...

Pearl Jam

Regret

It might have been,

Could have been should,

If only had ever seen would.

Been why else even,

When you should have seen could,

If even you would have,

Could have should would.

I even when why, you ever been should.

I would have been,

Should been, could have would done.

Kuan Yin

Goddess of Mercy and Compassion

Spirits Of The Dead

Thy soul shall find itself alone

'Mid dark thoughts of the grey tomb-stone --

Not one, of all the crowd, to pry

Into thine hour of secrecy:

Be silent in that solitude

Which is not loneliness -- for then

The spirits of the dead who stood

In life before thee are again

In death around thee -- and their will

Shall then overshadow thee: be still.

For the night -- tho' clear -- shall frown --

And the stars shall look not down,

From their high thrones in the Heaven,

With light like Hope to mortals given --

But their red orbs, without beam,

To thy weariness shall seem

As a burning and a fever

Which would cling to thee for ever :

Now are thoughts thou shalt not banish --

Now are visions ne'er to vanish --

From thy spirit shall they pass

No more -- like dew-drop from the grass:

The breeze -- the breath of God -- is still --

And the mist upon the hill

Shadowy -- shadowy -- yet unbroken,

Is a symbol and a token --

How it hangs upon the trees,

A mystery of mysteries! --

Edgar Allan Poe

1829

Every Grain Of Sand

In the time of my confession,

in the hour of my deepest need

When the pool of tears beneath my feet

flood every newborn seed

There's a dyin' voice within me

reaching out somewhere,

Toiling in the danger and in

the morals of despair.

Don't have the inclination to

look back on any mistake,

Like Cain,

I now behold this chain of events

that I must break.

In the fury of the moment

I can see the Master's hand

In every leaf that trembles,

in every grain of sand.

Oh, the flowers of indulgence

and the weeds of yesteryear,

Like criminals,

they have choked the breath

of conscience and good cheer.

The sun beat down upon the steps

of time to light the way

To ease the pain of idleness

and the memory of decay.

I gaze into the doorway of

temptation's angry flame

And every time I pass that way

I always hear my name.

Then onward in my journey

I come to understand

That every hair is numbered

like every grain of sand.

I have gone from rags to riches

in the sorrow of the night

In the violence of a summer's dream,

in the chill of a wintry light,

In the bitter dance of loneliness

fading into space,

In the broken mirror of innocence

on each forgotten face.

I hear the ancient footsteps like

the motion of the sea

Sometimes I turn, there's someone there,

other times it's only me.

I am hanging in the balance

of the reality of man

Like every sparrow falling,

like every grain of sand.

Bob Dylan

Tao Te Ching Verse VII

Heaven and earth last forever.

The reason why heaven and earth last forever

is that they do not live for themselves.

Hence, they last forever.

Therefore, the True Person leaves self behind

and thus is found in front,

is not guarded and thus is preserved,

is self-free and thus is able to find fulfilment.

Don't Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will;

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;

When the funds are low, and the debts are high

And you want to smile, but have to sigh;

When care is pressing you down a bit-

Rest if you must, but do not quit.

Success is failure turned inside out;

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;

And you can never tell how close you are

It may be near when it seems so far;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-

It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.

Author Unknown

The Simplicity Of Spiritual Enlightenment

Open your mind and your heart (the true

essence of your being) to the Infinite.

Reverently acknowledge God however God

is real to you, around and within you.

Reverently acknowledge the saints and

sages of all enlightenment traditions.

Reverently acknowledge the innate,

divine nature of every person.

Reverently acknowledge the truth of your

innermost level of being, knowing that

all knowledge of the unbounded field

of Infinite Consciousness is within you.

May we be permanently established in

conscious realization of our relationship

with the Infinite.

May we be steadfast on our meaningful

spiritual path as it is revealed to us.

May everyone be spiritually enlightened.

 

Roy Eugene Davis from "The Simplicity Of Spiritual Enligtenment"

Out Of A Spiritual Wasteland

In case you didn't know today was Eastern Orthodox Pascha (Easter). I got a call from my old priest about a week ago asking me if I'd like to come to the service. I told him I wasn't sure but I would think about it. When I woke up this morning it was one of the first thoughts I had. In the past week I've really been concentrating on building my spiritual strength. I think it is the only tool I have to make it through this process of death. Of course there are several aspects of spiritual strength. I have been worried about the correctness of my beliefs...I wish it could be so simple as going back to the Russian Orthodox Church. I miss it so bad, but I know in my heart that I can't go back.

The only way I think I'm going to be able to resolve this conflict is to incorporate all the beliefs I know in my heart to be true and just have my own religion....the religion of Jeff.  This may sound strange but I have an altar of sorts in a corner of my bedroom where I meditate and pray. I have included parts of several religions. I have tapestries of Ganesha, Laskmi ,Sarasvati and Ardhanarishvara. I have pictures of Buddha and Bhaiṣajyaguru. There are also crystals...a bear claw...sage for cleansing.... In the past I've kept my christian icons seperate from my non-christian things but I've decided I need to bring them all together. In my process of getting ready to die, I have to come to some sort of conviction in what I believe. . and I believe parts of all of the religions...and I have to believe that that's okay...become firm in that...

When I meditate or pray I cleanse the area with sweet grass and sage then I burn Athonite style incense, pure frankincense blended with fragrant musky oils, hand-made by monks in Greece. It's hard to explain but the aroma of this incense has a dual effect on my senses. I not only smell it but I feel it as well. It is a calming, spiritual feeling. I burn beeswax candles under my icons and pictures to represent prayers and veneration. It also moves me when I play either Russian Orthodox church music or sacred chants of Shiva.

It is really hard to incorporate my Christian beliefs with my beliefs from other religions. The Christian Church is so exclusive. I still think there is a lot of wisdom in the teachings of the Orthodox Church.

Fr. Seraphim Rose wrote,

Orthodoxy is not merely a ritual, or belief, or a pattern of behavior, or anything else that a man may possess, thinking that he is thereby a Christian, and be spiritually dead; it is rather an elemental reality of power which transforms a man and gives him strength to live in the most difficult and tormenting conditions, and prepares him to depart with peace into eternal life.

Even though Father Seraphim Rose was talking about Orthodoxy...I want that strength of conviction and the transformative power that strong faith brings. I don't get that much traffic on my blog, but if you read this I'd love it if you commented.....

Enjoy Life!