One Step Closer

Linkin Park

Scratching My Brain Tonight

Back in school I took an algebra class in which we studied systems of non-linear equations and how to graph them. I was under a lot of stress and one day I found a similarity between solving these systems and life. I decided that our life actually was a system of non-linear equations with God forever changing and adding variables. Our purpose was to find our x, y intercept point while maintaining a constant, progressive slope. It made sense to me then and it still does today.

Tonight I was researching the Hepatitis C virus and possible ways to slow down its replication and thereby decrease the resulting liver damage the virus causes. I found that the interactions between the replicating virus, liver cells and different types of immune responses (CTL and antibodies) are highly complex and non-linear. I'm sitting here thinking and scratching my brain.

Have you been tested for Hep C? Trust me, it's a silent killer. If you want to learn more about your liver and Hepatitis C, and I suggest you should, there are some really informative videos here.

Enjoy Life!

What A Day!

I don't know about you guys but I am so glad Obama is our new president. I was watching the inaugural parade this evening and my heart kept swelling. If I had allowed myself I could have started crying. It seems like the whole country is excited and looking to the new president with such hope. Something we haven't had much of in awhile. I can almost imagine what it must have been like when John F. Kennedy was elected.

AND DID YOU SEE THE GAY & LESBIAN MARCHING BAND!!!???!!! And lord honey, weren't those cupcake colored hoop skirts on the ladies(?) that followed the band just the deal??? LOL!!! So cool!!! Yes, the WHOLE country has reason to hope...

Enjoy Life...And Stay Warm (It's extremely cold here!)

A New Direction

I just got finished cleaning up The Conscious Cataclysm and I feel a lot better about it. I've finally decided how I want to organize everything and I think I have a general focus for the blog. Cataclysm will sort of be a journal with my personal thoughts. Thoughts I have about my day to day life. I'll also be sharing some of my music collection. From time to time, I'll be posting pictures and artwork that I find.

I have another blog that is a very slow developing experiment. I'm going to try my hand at writing fiction. There are some pretty interesting characters and it will be sort of like reading a soap opera...if it turns out the way I want. You can find The Abyss Of Awarness at: taofa.blogspot.com

By the way, The Conscious Cataclysm has a new URL. the new address is: tccataclysm.blogspot.com.

Enjoy Life Peoples!

Once Again, Begin Again

Wow, three months have gone by! I didn't even realize it had been that long. I thought that with the beginning of the new year I would start blogging again. Unfortunately, now that I have logged into Blogger, I find myself strangely empty. I decided to go through my music videos and share one with you. The only one that came close to how I'm feeling right now is this one. Like the song, maybe tomorrow I'll start blogging again. I sure hope the coming year is better than this past one...Enjoy life!

Maybe Tomorrow

Stereophonics

Me, Myself, And I

My I seems to be in disagreement with my me. As a result The Conscious Cataclysm as my our knew it will be no more. When my we comes to terms with my our and my they can decide what my their intentions are The Conscious Cataclysm will return in a new form.

Long Nights

Have no fear

For when I'm alone

I'll be better off than I was before

I've got this light

I'll be around to grow

Who I was before

I cannot recall

Long nights allow me to feel...

I'm falling...I am falling

The lights go out

Let me feel

I'm falling

I am falling safely to the ground

Ah...

I'll take this soul that's inside me now

Like a brand new friend

I'll forever know

I've got this light

And the will to show

I will always be better than before

Long nights allow me to feel...

I'm falling...I am falling

The lights go out

Let me feel

I'm falling

I am falling safely to the ground

Eddie Vedder

Everything

Buckcherry

Drums On The New Moon

I am connected with the rhythm of life, with the rhythm of those dancing around me. I love them and I love myself. I am them and they are me. We are all beautiful in our own unique ways and it's as though I've always known them and always will. We are meant to be here together at this one particular point in time, which in fact feels like it has never had a beginning and will never have an end. We move as one at times and at other times we're like little planets orbiting our own being.

I am connected to the drummers on so many levels. At times my attention is drawn to their hands, at other times I will lock eyes with one of them and for an instant it's like being hypnotized. There are a few drummers that I can recognize it's them, even if I happen not to be looking at them. Their personal style of drumming is like a call to my soul. It draws my attention to them and I become physically connected to the beat of their spirit. My body seems taken over by their rhythm and I soar.

Enjoy Life!

Be Here Now

Ray LaMontagne

Numb

U2

Everyday Is Exactly The Same

NIN

Tomorrow's Yesterday

My first post on The Conscious Cataclysm was on July 3rd of last year. A lot has happened in that time. Some things I’ve shared, others I haven’t. It seems that lately, when I try to write, nothing will come out. I haven’t been posting regularly because of it. Even now, I feel like I’m staring at a blank chalkboard.

Since it’s the beginning of a new year for my blog, I’m going to try to get back in the swing of things. I’ve been doing some thinking in the past few weeks and I’ve decided to try to get out of my own way. I’ve been working with the mistaken idea that my own power and efforts would be enough to overcome all my doubts, my fears, all this life’s problems. If I worked hard enough at it, maybe if I dug deep enough, if I changed this, if I didn’t do that, if I could just find that one missing puzzle piece, then finally everything would be all right. I was wrong.

I’m not saying that I’m going to give up trying to improve myself and to find dignity and meaning in my life. I’m just saying that I’m going to spend more time just being. I’ve been working so hard at this journey; I’ve forgotten to enjoy the path. Enjoy life.

Slippery People

Talking Heads

Show Me How To Live

And with the early dawn moving right along, I couldn't buy an eyeful of sleep. And in the aching night under satellites, I was not received.

Built with stolen parts, a telephone in my heart, someone get me a priest. To put my mind to bed, this ringing in my head, is this a cure, or is this a disease?

Nail in my hand, from my creator. You gave me life, now show me how to live. Nail in my hand, from my creator. You gave me life, now show me how to live.

And in the afterbirth on the quiet earth, let the stains remind you. You thought you made a man, you better think again, before my role defines you.

Nail in my hand, from my creator. You gave me life, now show me how to live. Nail in my hand, from my creator. You gave me life, now show me how to live.

And in your waiting hands I will land, and roll out of my skin. And in your final hours I will stand. Ready to begin. Ready to begin. Ready to begin. Ready to begin.

Nail in my hand, from my creator. You gave me life, now show me how to live. Nail in my hand, from my creator. You gave me life, now show me how to live. Show me how to live. Show me how to live. Show me how to live...

AudioSlave

Writing Naked With Duct Tape On My Face

I say I'm naked because I’m getting ready to bare my soul once again here on The Conscious Cataclysm, and I had to get the duct tape out because my face has cracked. Actually, over the past few weeks my poor face has been shattered. All the masks that I’ve worn in the past lay at my feet. Some don’t feel like they fit anymore and some are all mixed up in pieces along with my face. You would think I’d be used to this shit by now. How many times am I going to create masks to wear in order to live a life I think I’m living only to have them ripped off my face? Should I just let my face heal and go on from here without any? Don’t answer that. I don’t think I’m ready to hear what I know you’ll say.

For those of you who don’t know, 29 weeks ago, I started a 48 week course of treatment to rid myself of the Hepatitis C virus. I had a 50% chance of success. I became the lead cheerleader for what I would have to call a positive attitude metaphysical healing kundalini and energy flow raising walk through the fire technique, and let me tell you, I had some really big pom-poms. They’re on top of the pile of masks and facial parts. The next two articles in the series on self-improvement I had planned to post are on the bloody pile as well.

I suppose it was fitting to find out on Friday the 13th that I now have less than 2% chance of my treatment being successful. My cheers of, “I’m going to beat this thing by using visualization and positive energy techniques!” are gagging on screams of, “I’ve never even been able to win at those stupid scratch-off lottery cards! How the fuck am I going to win at this?” I’m sorry for the foul language, but dammed!

Sure, my treatment has gone pretty good. My viral count was over four million to begin with and now it’s down to around six thousand. That’s good, but not really good enough. My viral count should be lower at this point. The doctor asked me to decide whether or not I wanted to continue with the treatment.

I also realized that next month I will have been working on The Conscious Cataclysm for a year. I’ve built up a pretty good readership from time to time, but like my life, it has no real purpose or direction and is pretty much heading nowhere. My readership has hit an all-time low. I honestly don’t know if I even want to put forth the effort. It would be simpler to just buy a notebook. Are any of you getting what I’m saying? Do any of you give a shit? Aren’t any of you going through anything like this? I think I may give up.

Enjoy life...

Simple Man

Shinedown

Fine Again

Seether

In This River

Black Label Society

I've been around this world, Yet I see no end. All shall fade to black again and again. This storm that’s broken me, my only friend. Yeah In this river all shall fade to black In this river ain't no coming back In this river all shall fade to black Ain't no coming back Withdraw a step away, just to find my self The door is closed again, the only one left This storm that’s broken me my only friend Yeah In this river all shall fade to black In this river ain't no coming back In this river all shall fade to black In this river all shall fade to black In this river ain't no coming back In this river all shall fade to black Ain't no coming back In this river all shall fade to black In this river ain't no coming back In this river all shall fade to black Ain't no coming back

Nicotine And Gravy

Beck